I recently turned 30 years old, and this special event made me think about how I lived my life so far. I really needed to make a point about what I have learned from my own experiences and from others to help you not to waste your time. Yes, getting “old” can be scary but at 30 I feel that I am so much more mature and responsible than before, smarter, and a better, truer me. So, it’s not that bad 😉. My relationship with myself and others has improved a lot, and I love the mindset that I have today. That’s why I want to share the life lessons I have learned in my twenties.
Of course, each journey is very personal. The life lessons that I have learned won’t resonate with everyone because each person perceives life differently according to their way of life, beliefs, and experiences… But, some life lessons that I share are universal and can speak to everyone independently of who you are as a person.
Among all the life lessons learned, some apply to yourself as an individual, and others concern your relationship with others.
Life lessons about your relationship with yourself
1. A university degree is not enough
Having a STRATEGY (internships at the right times and in the right places, exams and learning strategy, etc) is necessary! University takes a lot of effort, time, and money! So be sure that you like what you study and that you see yourself working in this area for a long time! Also, don’t just study because you like what you learn! Think a lot and do a lot of research to see if the jobs that you can apply to after are really worth it. I speak about money, yes, the salary must be good at the end to enable you to live a comfortable life. You will invest so much in university that you really need a return on investment.
Search and be curious about all the different jobs possible, sometimes we only focus on the “famous” jobs but there are so many interesting jobs which provide a good earning in different areas, don’t miss the opportunity. Don’t be narrow-minded and be open to different areas. Outside of university, have a plan B and a side hustle.
Besides, when you choose a career, think about what kind of life you want to live. If you want to have a family and be present, choosing a career where you will have to travel a lot or finish late every day won’t be satisfying for you. Among all life lessons, this is one of those I deeply regret having understood it too late.
2. Time is flying, start young, and worry less
BUT it’s never too late. You can reinvent yourself, and each day is a new chance. Think of your time as an investment (for your mental health, your social life, money, skills, fulfillment of your projects, etc). Procrastination and laziness are your worst enemies. Have a clear vision of the life you want, the person that you want to be, and the goals that you want to achieve in which timeline. Each year/month, fix some actions and habits that will bring you closer to your dream life. Dream, think, and take action. Don’t make big decisions spontaneously without thinking first. Think about what it will mean for you in 5, 10 years.
3. Money is your best friend or your worst enemy, and it’s your choice to make
Money is very important and has a huge impact on your life. Care about your money. Budgeting, saving, and investing at a very young age will really improve your life. Think of money as a tool and not a destination.
Having money, and being rich, is not a goal. It’s about what can you do with this money. Would I be able to travel, buy a house, live in a better city/neighborhood/country, pay for the scholarship of my children…? These goals will motivate you to take care of your finances. I recently watched a series on Netflix “How to get rich” by Ramit Sethi, and it really spoke to me. He helps people to take care of their finances to enable them to live their “rich lives”. This concept really hit me. In fact, everyone has different goals in life and your dream life won’t be the same as others. But, if you really want to live the life you have dreamt of, you need to give yourself the means.
Also, falling into precariousness is very easy. It’s much easier than getting out of it. So really be mindful of your money and how you handle it. There are a lot of resources now on the internet, YouTube, or in libraries to learn how to do it. To handle your money wisely is one of the most important life lessons ever.
4. Everything that you do is shaping you and your future you
What you read, which movie or TV show you watch, and how you choose to spend your free time are shaping you. So, avoid time-consuming hobbies that won’t make you learn anything, nor help you develop your creativity or improve your mental health.
5. You are responsible for your own life
Of course, your background, your childhood, your family, your neighborhood, and your life experiences can have a huge impact on your life and the choices that you make. But, these choices that you make today, will just impact you in the long run. You have the possibility to choose a different path even if you are surrounded by negativity. It is just harder, but not impossible. You can design for yourself a healthy and happy life that fits you despite a bad environment, do not despair. It’s one of the life lessons that makes you face your responsibilities while giving you hope.
6. Know where you come from, but don’t make it your whole identity
As a child issued from a mixed wedding, I struggled to find my “identity”. I was born and raised in France with a French mother and a Tunisian father and, in some ways, it was hard for me. My father never taught me the Tunisian dialect. I could not talk with some members of my family and, as much as I love Tunisia, it made me feel like a tourist. In France, on another hand, I never felt “French” for a lot of different reasons. On top of that, some people always reminded me that I was not French or not Tunisian. When I was supposed to be both, in the end, I felt I was “nothing”. As a teenager and pre-adult, I was obsessed with that. Then, as I grew up, I understood that you are not your ethnicity.
I think that it’s very important to know your countries of origin, their language, and their culture. But all of that doesn’t define you as a person, even if it’s a part of you and can influence your way of life, beliefs… Don’t forget that you are so much more than your ethnicity. You are your behavior, your mindset, your ambitions, your hobbies, your beliefs, your creativity… I am not just Sirine, a French-Tunisian, I am a whole person who loves photography, walking into nature, and traveling around the world, I am Muslim, I have my qualities and my defaults, my own character… All of that and much more define me as a person.
If you want to learn more about this topic, you can read my other post about mixed marriages: https://sirine-nada.com/mixed-marriage-pros-cons-a-harsh-and-beautiful-journey/
7. Take care of yourself and your health, your body is your first house
As someone that has dropped sport a long time ago, I see the effect now, at 30 years old. When you do sport, you feel more dynamic and energetic in your everyday life. Also, as a mother, you need to be strong physically 😂. Holding a baby is easy at the beginning, but the older he gets, the more difficult it is… Even if you are not a parent, sport is a necessity for your health. Studies show that a person who exercises regularly lives longer than a person who doesn’t. When you are in good form, it’s also really helpful when you travel, hike, and just enjoy your life. It also benefits your appearance and, the better you feel in your body, the better you feel in your mind. Among all life lessons, this one is well known.
To take care of yourself is not just to exercise, there are also your skincare, body care, hair care… Having a strong morning and night routine that you don’t skip is also very important to feel good and motivated for your day and relaxed before you sleep. Besides, it reduces the signs of aging.
Taking care of your health is also to do regular health checks: at the dentist, the dermatologist, the ophthalmologist… The more you wait, the more your health can deteriorate, and some minor issues can become huge problems.
Finally, having a healthy and balanced diet is very important.
8. Organization and discipline is the key to a happy life
Learn how to manage your time, your house, your administrative tasks, and, generally, your life. Do it productively to be more efficient in a shorter amount of time. It will help you to have a clear mind and not feel overwhelmed. Having a routine/schedule that you respect is primordial to be organized, and productive. Of course, when you travel or have a special event, it’s okay, but even at these moments, you should have some habits that stay. This life lesson is the most important because it can apply to everything, from handling your money to exercising, studying, household chores, your religious practice… And it is also the most difficult.
Be as minimalist as possible in your house and your digital space, it will save you a lot of time and effort, and it will be easier to stay organized.
9. A good life is one with priorities: hustle is good, finding balance is better
You will never get back the time you lost. So, work hard from a young age, but don’t forget to spend quality time with your loved ones or with yourself. Personally, as a Muslim, learning and practicing my religion should be the first priority, and then it’s family. Don’t let your rush for money and success take all your time and make you far from your family. If you do it, when you are old, you will end up alone with very few memories with your loved ones.
Don’t forget why you are working so much, for most people it is to provide for their family, and by that give them a happy life. So, don’t forget your destination by being obsessed with the mean.
10. Nature and Travel are essentials
A daily/weekly walk or a gateway (according to your ability) reduces stress and anxiety and has a huge impact on your mental health. It also allows you to take a step back from the issues that you are facing and remind yourself that it’s not the end of the world. It recharges you. Also, being in nature makes you appreciate it. Seeing this world’s natural beauty makes you more considerate about your impact on the environment. It can also develop your creativity.
The same for travel, it also makes you smarter, more creative, and more open-minded. Try to take an interest in the country’s culture that you visit. Being in a resort to enjoy the beaches and swimming pool can be nice, but don’t do just that. Visit the country, not only the hostels. Respect the country that you visit and its inhabitants. You don’t need to share their beliefs and lifestyle to respect them. Just be considerate about the legal rules of the country and the implicit, cultural, or religious rules. We can, and must, respect each other even if we don’t understand each other. Travel also permits you to know yourself more and gain confidence.
11. Your mental health is primordial
It can impact the choices that you make. Having mental health issues can push you to make wrong life choices and end up with big regrets. Break the traumas of your past before they break you or the people around you. Don’t run from your issues. You can change your city or country, but your internal issues will still find you. Your childhood has a huge impact on you and your adult life. So, if you have traumas, I strongly suggest you consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Find one that you like and feel comfortable to talk to. It can be a long process.
12. Live in the present
Don’t be stuck in your past, learn to move on, change, and evolve into your best self. Also, don’t live in the future. Even if it’s important to make projects, you never know if you will live tomorrow. So, be grateful and enjoy the present and the simplicity. Focus and enjoy what you do right now without thinking of the next thing that you have to do. It will be much more efficient and meaningful.
Sometimes, we tend to live in the future and think: “When I will have that or do that, or have this situation, this job, a spouse, I will be happy…”. But, you don’t know that for sure. Sometimes, we change so much that the person that we are at 19 is very different from the person that we are at 30. Your desires and ambitions could be totally different. So, just be grateful to be alive right now, be present at the moment, and make the most of it. This life lesson is also one of my favorites.
13. Try your best but don’t be a perfectionist
It can apply to everything in life, a project you want to start, a work of yours, a piece of art that you are making, your impact on the planet, etc. By searching for perfection, that no human can attain, you will forever be dissatisfied. And, maybe, you will even drop completely what you have started. Besides, searching for perfection takes a lot of time that you waste. See the beauty in imperfection and just try your best. It can also apply to your expectations about yourself and others.
14. Never lose Hope, be patient, resilient, persistent, and consistent
Keep your energy and dynamism even if you don’t get what you want or if a project of yours fails… Of course, everyone has ups and downs in life and all hardships are not equal. But don’t let your downs ruin you and all the progress that you have made so far. Don’t destroy your life because of a disappointment or a tragic event. Always get back on your feet no matter what. There is a quote by Martin Luther King that I really like: “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward”.
15. Know why you do what you do
If you choose to learn a language, you choose to settle in a foreign country, you choose to go to this vacation place, you choose to change your job, you choose to marry this person, write down why you do that, what you want behind that, what are your intentions. With clear ideas of the “why”, you will be able to reduce making wrong choices. And, by doing so, save your time and energy for something that really matters and corresponds to you.
16. Get out of your comfort zone
I will share with you two life experiences that explain this topic, one of my biggest regrets and one of my best life experiences. Concerning my biggest regret, I was in university and I had the opportunity to go abroad to study. I was so scared to go out of my comfort zone that I did not take this opportunity. My sister has made a different choice and went to study in the UK. As I visited her, I realized my mistake and what I had missed. A few years later, I had the opportunity to do an internship abroad. This time, I chose to live a dream of mine and go to Malaysia for 4 months. I loved it. It made me trust myself and know myself more.
17. Do something creative as a hobby or as your work
All humans are creative, I am sure of that. Some of us develop this inherent quality and others ignore it. I have ignored my creativity for a very long time, but I always loved to see the creativity of others. When I started to develop this side of me, I felt happier, relaxed, focused, proud of myself, and confident. It made me develop different qualities that I hadn’t before. The wonderful thing about creativity is that it can apply to so many different areas, and it’s an unlimited resource. If your work does not contain any creativity, but you still love your job, no problem. You can develop it on the side as a hobby.
18. The end does not justify the means, but the means determine your end
Do not expect a good result/end if what you do in order to get it is wrong. You can maybe expect a few times of “success/happiness” but, in the end, you will end up in a bad situation regretting the choices that you have made.
Life lessons about your relationship with others
19. The less you care what others think about you, the better your life will be
Don’t do or not do anything because of social pressure. Don’t do something because everyone does it. Know and be proud of who you are, even if it means being different from the crowd. Act accordingly to yourself because you will be alone to live with the consequences of your choices. Even worse, you can end up hurting people in the process if you are not sincere with who you are. Stay true to yourself, your own personality, and your values.
Also, don’t be afraid to start a project or to do something because “people will make fun of you”. Don’t care about the mockeries. When you will succeed, they will wish to have done the same things as you. Just live your life for yourself, the people you are afraid of won’t live your life. If you care too much about the opinions of others, you will never succeed.
20. Choose your friends and the people around you wisely
Don’t surround yourself with people who bring up the bad in you and bring you back to bad habits that you try to quit. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, or, if not, with people who are not toxic and who are genuine. Also, I think that it is important to choose friends that have the same values as you. Choose quality before quantity. Your time is precious, so spend it with people that are worth it. Until you find these people, there is an adage that is very true: “Better to be alone than in bad company“.
As strong as you are, never think that you will not be influenced. We are all influenced by other people, especially the ones with whom we spend most of our time. So, if they do not align with your values and who you are or who you want to be, forget them. The duration of a friendship/relationship does not matter. The world is vast, you can, without a doubt, find other friends that are good for you.
21. Don’t open yourself up to everyone
Your private life should stay private. Also, don’t trust everyone, and keep your distance until this person earns your trust over time. Choose very carefully with whom you choose to be vulnerable. I personally chose to have solely female friends, and I open myself up just with my long-time best friends or my sister about my personal life to some extent.
22. Never be afraid to say no, it’s yourself before everyone else
Respect yourself and others will respect you. Set clear boundaries and never ever be a people pleaser. Don’t be afraid to lose people or hurt people by doing so. If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries and your refusals, it’s more than time to part ways with this person. This life lesson was very important for me to learn and completely changed my life.
23. Don’t avoid conflict but handle it the best way possible
Learn how to communicate non-violently and in a constructive way. Don’t wait for “the straw that broke the camel’s back” to express your needs and feelings. The more you wait to address an issue that you face with someone, the more it will be hard to resolve the conflict. You will be less patient and calm about the topic and the other person won’t understand your timing and why you have waited this long to talk about it, so she/he can be more defensive.
24. Never judge anyone and be humble
If, one day, you judge and despise someone, tomorrow you can end up in the same situation as this person you felt so superior to, or even worse. Nothing is acquired. Don’t be full of yourself, maybe the person that you make fun of or despise today will be better than you tomorrow. Nobody is perfect, so worry about your own defaults before looking down at others. You can just give advice in a kind way and try to help this person if she/he is open to it. Also, we never know someone fully, maybe this person is better than you in other aspects. And we all have lessons to learn from each other.
25. Learn from others
If you want something specific but don’t know how to, look at how others arrive to do it. Take inspiration around you or on social media or books, and find the solutions. We are lucky enough to have the internet and be able to learn practically anything for free. Also, learn from elders. They have lived many more years than you and can have wise advice.
26. Be mindful of your impact on others
Be conscious of your wrongdoings and change them. Listen to other people who have something to say about your behavior. Stop blaming others and be accountable. Do it for yourself to evolve and become a better person. When you have truly changed and reformed yourself, you can then forgive yourself and move on. This does not mean that it will fix your broken relationship and that others will forgive you, but you will be able to build new relationships on a better foundation without repeating the same mistake.
You can’t expect to hurt people, apologize (and sometimes even not apologize), be the same person with the same behavior with not any willingness or action to change, and expect people to forgive and move on. Sometimes, what you have done is maybe nothing for you, but means the world to others that are impacted. Maybe you will never be able to fix the damage that you have caused.
Also, in the same state of mind, make people accountable for their bad behaviors or just part ways. Don’t be silent when someone does something that is not acceptable to you or others, except if the situation can be dangerous. Don’t forgive easily someone who does not deserve it and who does not change her/his behavior or regret sincerely what he/she has done. You are not forced to forgive, it’s entirely up to you. Besides, you can forgive a person and stop the relationship. Forgiving does mean staying in contact with the person who has hurt you. You can forgive, but don’t forget. This relationship is already ruined so don’t force it and part ways, it’s healthier like that sometimes.
27. Learn how to love yourself, be confident, and don’t compare yourself to others
You are enough, never settle for a place or a person who does not see your value or respect you. You will be appreciated and seen for who you are in other places/with other people. Don’t let others determine your value or the vision that you have of yourself, you know yourself better than anyone else.
Besides, you can’t compare yourself to others for a lot of reasons. Among them: we never know the real-life people are living, maybe their life is perfect on social media or on the surface, but everyone has their own struggles. Most of the time, people envy others but don’t see all the work these people have done to arrive where they are now. For example, some people just want to be fit, but don’t see how some of their “models” worked hard to arrive at this result. The same for wealth, some people just see expensive clothes and cars and want fast success and money but don’t see how some of them began with nothing and worked very hard to arrive at that situation. Sometimes, we just see what we want to see.
Also, everyone is not born “equal”, for some people it’s easier than others. For example, growing up in a healthy family with loving parents and a house is different from being born in a toxic environment. This does not mean that it’s not possible for the seconds to have a successful and happy life, but it is just harder for them. We need to be gentle with ourselves and don’t compare ourselves to some people that were born in a very different situation than us. As long as you try your best, it’s the only thing that matters.
Comparing yourself with others can be sometimes good to boost you or inspire you but, most of the time, it’s very bad for your mental health, and it’s self-deprecating. This won’t take you anywhere.
28. Don’t try to change people
If they want to change, they will. Don’t waste years to see some changes because, sadly, some people never change. You will just put all your energy into someone who does not deserve all this attention. All this energy that you give away won’t go to yourself, to grow as a person, to grow your business/career/friendships, or just to enjoy life… Please value your time because it’s one of the most expensive things that we have as humans. Again, put yourself first and if someone does not change, change your mindset about it. Don’t be full of yourself to think that you have the power to change someone, you don’t.
Your partner
If you wait for your partner to change, you can give him time. Change does not come in a day (as long as it’s safe for you) and I think it’s not a relationship that you can throw away easily. It deserves time, work from both sides, and patience. You come from a different family, education, and sometimes even country, we are not raised the same way. So, communicate with him about what you can’t accept and what needs to change. If he really considers you and values you, he will change slowly but surely. But do not wait forever! If you don’t see some beginnings of change, don’t wait for too long before leaving. In all this time that you have waited, you could have found someone that corresponds to you more.
Above all, don’t have the “savior complex”. It’s defined as “A psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.” Sometimes, some amazing women find a partner with so many problems and think that they can change them, make them a better man, give them a “situation”, “comfort”, and “stability”. I have seen these women with such potential ending so miserable by doing so… It’s regrettable because sometimes the result of that can’t be fixed. It comes down to the importance of seeing your own value. Most of the time, you won’t change him, but he will change you in a way you won’t like. You’re not going to get his head above water, but you will drown with him.
A member of your family
If it’s one of your parents or brother and sister, just know that it’s not your job to change them, and it does not have a full impact on you as an adult. Most of the time we don’t live in the same house anymore. You can visit them and try to ignore what you dislike. If this relationship is very toxic and dangerous for you (mental, emotional, financial, physical violence) you have the right and, sometimes the duty, to stop this relationship! Yes, family is very important, but it’s not a reason to accept everything and be miserable, don’t listen to others who will tell you the opposite.
A friend
If it’s a friend that you want to change, just talk openly with this person about what disturbs you in your relationship. In case this person does not change, and it is not acceptable for you, just finish the relationship and move on. Find other friends.
If it’s someone who is not any of these people mentioned above, why would you want to change him/her? You already live a separate life, so forget them and focus on your life. Don’t try to change the world, you won’t succeed and you will lose yourself.
29. Celebrate Big life events with your loved ones
I have very big regrets concerning this topic. I am someone who never celebrated big events in my life including my graduation, my marriage, my pregnancy… This is something that I really want to change. Sometimes, you want to look at beautiful pictures of these events and have memories but, when you don’t celebrate, it’s gone, and you won’t experience it again. There are some unique moments that really deserve a celebration. I don’t talk about expensive parties or anything like that but organize a special event with your loved ones, have beautiful clothes, do some photoshoots…
Sometimes, big events like that can be painful when you are alone in a far city/country, away from family and friends, or if you have family issues or just don’t have too much family or no family at all… But if you are lucky enough to only have one person to celebrate with, do it 🙂
30. Invest in your social life
This life lesson comes down to the lesson above. When you don’t have friends, with whom will you celebrate the happy events of your life? Especially if you have family issues or no family, it’s even more important to build strong friendships and a strong community around you.
It’s very important for your mental health to have friends, to talk to them, to share your happy times, ambitions, dreams, struggles… Don’t make the mistake of making a relationship your whole world because, when this person is gone, you will be very lonely. Also, it’s unhealthy for you or this person and can degrade your relationship.
Stay connected to your old friends even if you don’t live in the same place. Keep your relationship alive by taking news from them regularly or visiting them when you can. As an adult, you know that you don’t need to speak every day or even every week to stay friends as long as you keep this connection and ask for news with consideration and interest, not just like a formality. Send pictures, call or text, do video calls, choose the way you like the most but do something. Also, don’t wait for others to every time ask for news from you, a friendship is a mutual connection and does not work in one way.
Besides, as an adult, we tend to be lazy to build new friendships because we don’t have time or energy. But I think we should always be open to new friends, especially if we live in another city. Having friends that you can see easily, without planning two months before, can be nice.
So, I have finished my 30 life lessons. I would be happy to see if you can relate to some of them or, on the contrary, disagree and why. I am curious about your life experience, so if this article talks to you, leave a comment 😊